Sunday, March 17, 2019

Religious Trauma Syndrome.


Religious Trauma Syndrome: A New Crisis of Faith
Literature Review
            The way that cults and fundamentalist religions interact with politics, abuse children, marginalize minority groups, attract narcissistic leaders, and spawn disorganized attachments in their members requires intervention from the government. It is a difficult topic in our nation because we do want to have all of our citizens practicing religion in the way that they see fit. In the case of Catholic church sex abuse, the answer is simple, imprison the guilty priests after a trial has proven their guilt. What isn’t clear is when parents spank their kids, brainwash them using fear of hell and threats of getting shunned, or churches demanding that their members be allowed to discriminate against homosexuals because gays are bad, we passively give our approval. Because we tacitly deal with these issues, these fundamentalists are getting into positions of political power and protecting their own beliefs instead of representing all Americans. This was brought into sharp relief when Mike Pence was the governor of Indiana and reframed and ratified the Religious Freedom Restoration Act in a way that made it ok to discriminate against the LGBTQIA+ community. (Godde, 2016) Mike Pence is now our vice president. Ever since he was elected, the LGBTQIA+ community has been watching on alert.
            Mike Pence is what we call a narcissistic leader. There isn’t a necessarily a diagnosis of narcissism there, but what it means to be a narcissistic leader is that the leader functions in much the same way a narcissist does. In one article, the author focuses on one type of leader, one that achieves “symbolic status.” This is a psychological phenomenon where followers come to see the leaders as parent-like. This tendency becomes even more evident in charismatic leaders. (Sankowsky, 1995) Places where leaders achieve symbolic status include work situations and churches. Abuse of power can pervasively and profoundly negatively impact the followers’ psychological wellbeing. (Sankowsky, 1995) Stein goes on to say that the damage takes the form of disorganized attachment. (2017) The boss or pastor hands out directives, expects them to be obeyed without question, hands out rewards and punishments, and handles excommunications or firings, respectively. These are the very conditions that create this parent attachment. In some cases, this power goes awry, and the leaders start flat out abusing and making excuses. (Sankowsky, 1995) A normal leader sets reasonable expectations and tasks and goes over outcomes in a way that best correlates with the quality of the outcomes. Everything is handled in a fair way and the leader and follower or employee walk away happy with how things turned out. The narcissistic leader sets unrealistic goals, quickly praises their team for being miracle workers and just amazing; and then punishes harshly when they could not make the unattainable a reality. (Sankowsky, 1995) The damage this causes leads to confusion, depression, anxiety, and if carried on long enough unchecked, PTSD. These types of leaders keep followers questioning and on their toes. Praise is doled out just enough to keep them coming back again and again for more abuse. When we think of this in terms of adults, it is pretty creepy. When we see that this is what parents are doing with their children in the name of their gods, it gets horrifying. Let’s take a closer look at disorganized attachment.
            The best way to accomplish this is to isolate the followers as best as possible in a unique way. In cults and in churches around America, totalitarian denominations are popping up. The goal of a totalitarian religion or cult is to isolate the follower, make the leaders seem like the keepers of good knowledge and truly unique or blessed especially by the divine, consume the followers lives and calendars, and forbid close friendships with those who do not believe the same ways. (Stein, 2017) This is achieved by making the follower feel specially chosen and uniquely included in a really loving family. Membership contracts require followers to agree to act in a certain way and to understand they are joining a community of like-minded people with keys to secret and special information. Not only that, this community is truly loving. They take meals to each other during times of crisis, pray for each other, and do most all of the socializing they do with each other. In fact, it seems the cult or church completely takes over the lives of the individuals they have. Members are afraid to leave because they will not be able to make friends as close as these on the “outside” or in the “secular” world. Stein calls this a totalitarian system. All aspects of life and personal philosophy are now wrapped up in the church. (2017) Once that fear of the outside has set in, members are taken on a yo-yo ride of being in the inner circle of favorites to being in the lower lever peons. All members want to be in the inner circle. Getting closer to the leader is the goal of all members. (Stein, 2017) Being useful to the pastor is a special place. This inner hierarchy is used like a weapon. One day you are in, the next you are out. The desperate need for validation, the continued rejection, and emotional abuse cause the follower great times of pain and confusion. In this state, they press in harder to the thing causing them the most pain, the religion itself. Leaders define the rules of approved holiness. Rules in churches where women wore only dresses, where families just had mountains of kids, where poverty was the key to holiness, keep believers uniform and together. Each cult or church has its own secret in road to holiness. The ones that can follow the rules the best are the most holy. If the people putting up with this were all adults, we would not have to get involved. But parents internalize this sort of odd love and pass it right on to their kids. (Cooper, 2012)
            The absolute worst of this is the sexual molestation abuse of Catholic children at the hands of priests. The literature on this is heart breaking. The swath of devastation left by the church will take decades to clean up. One of the most devastating articles brings up the fact that fornication is considered a sin in the Catholic church. Victims take on enormous amounts of shame. First, they were seen as special by priests. They were chosen for retreats and to serve as alter boys. They were groomed for a reason. In the grooming process, the priest assess shame levels and understanding of sin. (McGraw, 2019) During and after the rapes take place, the victims are placed in a horrible level of despair and shame. In their eyes they have sinned, but the one that can absolve them did it to them. Many of them don’t speak fearing the repercussions and blame they will face for tainting the priest this way. (McGraw, 2019) This article goes on to say that PTSD is a big worry for these victims. Added to all of the crushing symptoms of PTSD, shame, guilt, fear of hell and excommunication loom large. Cognitive dissonance and disbelief cause lasting damage and completely obliterate childhoods. Later the victimization continues as parents and community friends just refuse to believe the victims. (McGraw, 2019) After all, how could our beloved minister and friend do this to us? These victims are at danger for drug abuse and fear of life long isolation.         (Cutajara, Mullena, Ogloffa, Thomasa Wellsh, & Spataroc. 2010) As stated in the abstract the solution is a bit more straight forward for this grouping because the American government can arrest perpetrators that break the law and we need to. They need to serve prison sentences for their crimes.
            Surprisingly, similar outcomes await those victimized by brainwashing, indoctrination, and emotional abuse. Chase Cooper in his work “Confronting Religiously Motivated Psychological Maltreatment or Children; A Framework for Policy Reform,” tells a tale of a toddler who refused to obey. After being told twice to do what was told of him, the toddler, not quite two, was taken in a back bedroom, beaten, and returned expectantly to obey. The toddler did not. He was taken out of the room and spank beaten again. He was brought back and told to obey again. A third repetition happened while all the adults in the room prayed for the toddler’s deliverance to obedience. He was returned and this time obeyed smiling. The religion members in the room thanked Jesus. The toddler was then comforted by the abuser and praised. They explained to an observing Cooper that this is how they “train up a child.” They said that incidents like this were daily and unavoidable because of the sinfulness of the human heart. (2012) In churches across America, very young children are being threatened with hell for sins as small as taking one of the church pens home with them. All children in conservative churches watch the truly wicked get cast out. The psychological fear of being kicked into the street keeps youth closeted. They have watched their gay friends be disowned and kicked out in large numbers. (Roe, 2017) If they aren’t afraid of hell, they are afraid of homelessness. The abject fear of knowing that there was something that could be done that would forever make your family turn their backs is deeply scarring. Is it abuse? Kenneth Adams writes from his observations that the patriarchal system set up in these must be obeyed churches, “fosters misopedia, the hatred of children, as wells as misogyny. Males and male interests are prioritized, and others are a means to an end. Children represent the antithesis of patriarchal manhood—subordination, lack of control, dependence on females, and weakness. In the Bible, children’s interests are never the primary concern.” (2019) Children being raised in this setting are shattered. They are broken down to always obey, always be religious and always, more than anything, “don’t be yourself especially if that is gay.” This clearly leads to lifelong confusion and mental anguish. Which leads to drug use and disorders with a lot of the alphabet in them. (Simonic, Mendelj, & Novask. 2013) It also leads to political manipulation and marginalization of minorities.
            When you look at the doctrines that these people are forcibly putting into their children’s minds, you see that a lesson in fear and hatred. They are telling their children that abortion at any stage for any reason is murder. Psalms 139:13-14 In their world, if they accept the LGBTQIA+ community as legitimate the entire world will be destroyed, Genesis 19, Romans 1:26-27. These groups seek to protect their own and push out those that are different. At its very core, fundamentalism excludes. The GOP in our nation is looking to push out immigrants, remove rights from women, and re-marginalize the LGBTQIA+ by taking away marriage rights, (Groppe, 2016) This only pushes the trauma of these beliefs out onto other communities of believers who believe differently, non-Christian believers, atheists, and all of those sub-headings that are LGBTQIA_ or immigrants. (Sowe, Taylor, & Brown. 2017) Children who internalize these messages grow up either wholesale buying into them or living through PTSD and needing very careful and affirming therapy. (Simonic, & et. al. 2013) Those that grow up buying in completely become the voters and parents. We are seeing the results of these organized voters and the stronghold of their beliefs and they try to take away freedoms from those they deem ungodly. Other nations are starting to call us the “Christian Talliban.”
            In conclusion, we are faced with hard choices about the well being of not only our children but our nation. If these religious beliefs only were held by those 18 or older, the harm they inflict would be chosen by the one believing it. Not only are these beliefs forced on children before they are not able to fully understand the implications of what they are learning, the rest of us must cope with the toll they are taking on our minorities and vulnerable groups. What can we do to protect children? There has been loud noise about taxation of churches that refuse to respect separation of church and state. A growing number of the populace are completely fed up with having to clean up after their messes. LGBTQIA+ youth are more than twice as likely to face homelessness than their straight peers and charities have been stepping up for years to care for the homeless teens. (Voices of Youth Count, 2019) States have anti-maltreatment clauses, strangely enough, they exempt religious groups. (Cooper, 2012) We need to do away with religious exemptions for maltreatment. There is no reason for it. Maltreatment for religious reasons is maltreatment and should be fully considered abuse. In many states, it is legal to spank beat children because of the Bible verse, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Spanking should be made illegal. (Miller, 2000) Many adults were spanked as children and pass the damage on, and spank their children from a Christian perspective. These protections allow bullies and abusers to use religion as a shield for their abuse and lazy parenting. (Cooper, 2012) What becomes really a grey area, is the fear instilled in the children as they lie awake in the night terrified of hell and filled with questions about “what if I did something that would make my parents stop loving me.” Legally in America there is nothing we can do without infringing on the religious beliefs of the parents. Right now, the best course of action is just shining the light on all the harm fundamentalist religion causes to the individual and in the whole society.





References
Adams, K.A. (2019) Traumatic Fundamemtalist Childhood and Trump. Journal of             Psychohistory. (3)
Cooper, C. (2012). Confronting Religiously Motivated Psychological Maltreatment of Children:         A Framework for Policy Reform. Virginia Journal of Social Policy & the Law20(1), 1–       11

Groppe, M. (2016). “Mike Pence in His Own Words.” The Indy Star. Online edition.
Miller, A. (2000). Against Spanking. Tikkun15(2), 17
Roe, S. (2017). “Family Support Would Have Been Like Amazing”: LGBTQ Youth Experiences    With Parental and Family Support. The Family Journal25(1), 55–62. 
Sankowsky, D. (1995). The Charismatic Leader as Narcissist: Understanding the Abuse of         Power. Organizational Dynamics23(4), 57–71. 
Simonic, B. Mandelj, T. and Novsak, R. (2013) Religious-Related Abuse in the Family. Journal            of Family Violence 28:339-349
Sowe, B. J., Taylor, A. J., & Brown, J. (2017). Religious anti-gay prejudice as a predictor of     mental health, abuse, and substance use. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry87(6),          690–703.
Stein, A. (2017). Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachments in Cults and Totalitarian     Systems.

Waller, G., Quinton, S. & Watson D. (1995) “Dissociation and the Processing of Threat-Related            Information.” Dissociation volume 8.2.

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Monday, May 1, 2017

Pastors are Predators.

Content Warning. This article is about how a pastor in the Baptist church started to sexually groom a young and vulnerable woman. Descriptions of anatomy and clear indicators of sexual predator behavior. Reading this may trigger unpleasant memories. We are telling these stories about the church because they need to be told. If you are in danger from a predator, PLEASE CLICK ON THESE WORDS FOR INFORMATION ABOUT GETTING HELP AND HOTLINES YOU CAN CALL.



            I was 5 years into my total commitment to the church world. Not that I wasn't committed before now, but before it was because of family and then friends. I had taken a few years off but came back at the age of 25—right back to full force commitment.  I think depression brought me back, I was bored, lost, very divorced and searching for something that I now know is inside of me.

            Anyway, 5 years in and I was on the nurses’ committee.  In the Baptist church, the nurses were a step above the ushers. We took care of the first aid of church members and the pastor. I received a personal request to be the pastor’s personal nurse. I was honored to accept. This meant I accompanied him on his church outings and sat in the pulpit to pour his water, wipe his sweat, and take care of his whims while he was in the trance of the selective holy spirit.

            I was asked to do certain things that were uncomfortable but they were done so nonchalantly I dismissed them as my trust issues. You must understand, in the mind of a child who has been molested as I had been, authority taking certain liberty was considered normal.  What might come off as a pass to someone with a healthy view on life very well likely comes off as positive affirmations and normal to a victim of molestation.

            I was to accompany this "man of GAWD", (yes, I know how to spell, I just like to say it like they yell it from the pulpits), to an outing in Queens, NY. He was to be guest preacher at an event. I put on my crisp-n-white nurses uniform and white nurse hat and allowed his comment, "Look good; you’re representing me. I want to show them how beautiful my nurse is,” to ring as a compliment not as an inappropriate "grooming my victim" thing to say. I know some of you are asking, “How can a 25-year-old be a victim of another adult?” Well let me say this, when you are trusting another to be your moral superior and have ordained this person your mentor; spiritual advisor, gateway to heaven, and surrounded by the status and authority the church puts on " the chosen one;” no matter how old you are abusing that trust is deplorable. Also, not seeing the abuse from such a holy “man lf GAWD” is completely understandable. He wouldn’t sin in adultery. Would he? He was a married man and I was a divorcee.

            The first insult was while he was preaching in the final moments of hooting and hollering something happened. He was waving me over frantically while continuing to preach. I went up in the pulpit and he whispered to me, "My suspenders came lose can you pull my pants up?” I thought, “What the fuck? There are about 5 men on that stage he could have asked for assistance.” He also had on a long robe, he could have simply left them the way until he finished preaching. I didn't know what to do. He was a pretty large man and was sweating profusely. He continued to preach as I reached down and lifted his pants up, but they wouldn't stay. So, I had to find his suspenders and hook them back up to the pants, it was if I was being forced to molest him.  He was not wearing underwear. Yet the show went on, if anyone thought this was strange they did not show any concern.

            Just like with any predator, the reward for service came. He praised me over the pulpit for my dedication and gave me a cut of his offering. I felt at ease again, as I was doing my duty for God. Yet it was only the beginning of the day.

            Afterwards, we were led to the home pastor’s office before dinner. In here my pastor would take a shower and change clothes. I brought him his bag and asked him if he needed anything before I headed out. He said he left his towels in the car and can I bring them in and leave them on the chair. No problem, it was a simple request and my guards were not up at all anymore. I felt rather silly about thinking badly about the pants issue. So, I returned with his towels and left them on the chair and announced they were out here. He immediately opened the door in all his 400-pound glory, holy dick hard—probably anticipating his antics. He acted surprised to see me, "Oh! I'm sorry I thought you stepped out."  He apologized, yet made no attempt to cover himself. He enjoyed my reaction as I rushed out of the room.

            After that he didn't do anything inappropriate for a while, making me think It was just an accident—an embarrassing accident. I was being groomed. He saw something in me and recognized it the same way pedophiles pick the kids they molest. They are experts at picking their prey. This was only the beginning.


Venessa BlueNile Dixon

Monday, April 24, 2017

The Brilliant, Beautiful, Blue Nile~Introducing Venessa Dixon.

   
       



                I met the lady whose pen name is "Blue Nile" in a Facebook page dedicated to hating on Christianity. She was so warm, alive, kindhearted, and most of all intelligent, I took to her right away. We shared stories of our Church Hurt and connected deeply in friendship. Atheism had accomplished what Christianity never had, she let down her guard around this white lady, and we became fast friends. Christianity serves racism. Christianity serves division. Christianity serves institutional prison slavery. Christianity keeps hatred in the hearts of the races that serve it. Humanism brings unity. Humanism seeks to understand and protect all humans. Humanism is pro humans. Humanism removes barriers and seeks to end divides, but I digress.
             
            I became completely enamored of Venessa's mind. Her purity of thought, raw emotion, and excellent positions combine in enthralling poetry. She has never blogged before, but I knew that she will make an amazing contributer. If you want to know about her poetry, Visit her facebook page. Here is her story in the church and some of the abuse she suffered:

            "When I was happy it was God. when I was sad it was the devil. I had nothing unless it was giving by the great divine. I was but a pawn in a game of a narcissistic God. I was told about God by my family. I was indoctrinated without a choice. I was violated by adults calling on the name of Jesus and then told to forgive because 'vengeance is mine says the lord.' God and black culture is a relationship that mimics slave and master. We were given no hope as slaves but that things would be better in heaven. We were taught to be obedient and that slavery was ordained by God. Black people got angry and fought the oppressor but this theory of God they did not recognize as being the same shackle, the same whip. We fought against the atrocity of slavery but kept the mentality. Walk into most black homes and on the wall is a symbol of oppression a white man who ordained slavery and even wrote a book that included a manual on how to treat your slave. Follow any black man into religion and watch as they forgive the prejudice and brutality the has befallen the black race since the mass enslavement and follow up oppression and you will see passiveness. We pray for our persecutors, we pray for those who murder us, as we are weakened and fall to our knees instead of standing tall and fighting. The chains fell away and the bible remained as our shackle. The preacher is a celebrity that forms a hypnotic trance upon its sheep weekly. With the aid of music and promises and seductive words we leave church waiting for our next fix. Yet with Blacks religion was used as a tool to keep us docile. The black preacher was told what he was allowed to preach. The slave was given Sundays off to attend church and couldn't read so he put his hope into this Mystical Savior. The brainwashing did not happen overnight it took generation. Slaves were beaten if they practiced their own spirituality and culture was ripped away along with language and a sense of self. Imagine over 300 years of this systematic mental and physical genocide. So the black man is freed into a religious prejudice and a racist nation and only finding hope in religion--a generational curse. Taught not to question the preacher, yet alone God. How much has changed? Go into any African American church and you will see the remnants of defeated slaves. How can any black man justify following the religion of their oppressor yet alone believing in a God that said slavery is cool just follow the rules in my book. 'Brainwashing!!!!!' I knew all of this and still for 30 years I played the pawn. The abuse that goes on in church and the harm it does to one's soul is devastating..... It's a crime. I'm here to begin to tell you some of the stories of the crimes committed to me."

Monday, January 23, 2017

My Morals.

            My morality is now completely my own. I have based it on logic and thought. Are you ready? Here it is! “Consenting adults can enjoy sex how they like it in their own lives responsibly” That is it really I am actually sad that I have to spend the rest of this blog unpacking that simple statement.
            “”Consent: con·sent””
kənˈsent/
noun
  1. 1.permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
    "no change may be made without the consent of all the partners"
    synonyms:



verb
  1. 1. give permission for something to happen.
    "he consented to a search by a detective"
    synonyms:
    agree to, assent to, yield to, give in to, submit to; 
    allow, give permission for, sanctionacceptapprove, go along with
    "she consented to surgery"
I feel sad I have to say, like so many others have been, “no means no.” Rape is wrong because it violates the rights of the victim. No never means yes. Ever. This point is so confusing that the English police have put together this dramatically  simple cartoon about consent that any person of any ability can completely understand. Click here for the video. This video explains consent by thinking about when it would be appropriate to drink tea. Stay with me here it actually works. No consent for sex means that sex should not be had. Consensual sex is great fun for all involved.
            “Adults.” This point is confusing on a few levels. It has been such a point of contention of when a girl is sex fodder, that several nations have come up with ages of consent. In the UK a child is considered able to understand the ramifications of sex and give consent at age 16. In the US, that age is 18. Anyone over those ages seeking to have sex with someone under those ages is guilty in those countries of statutory rape. Children below a certain age do not understand what they are agreeing to and for a child it is very physically painful to be raped by an adult male. To protect the emotions and bodies of the children, we have agreed upon ages of consent. Anyone caught breaking these egregiously (as in a 19 year old wanting to rape a 7 year old vs. a 19 year old wanting to have sex with his 17 year old girlfriend), are sent to prison for a time and forced to register as a sex offender. As they should be. Sex with children under the age of consent is wrong. I do not know why youth pastors and Catholic priests have confusion about this, but they do. Notably so.
            “Enjoy,” the key is here AGAIN all parties having consensual fun. The instant it is not fun for one, it should be over. Thus all the agreement on safe words and all that in all BDSM communities. No one should suffer things they do not want to suffer.
            “How they like” Man on man. Woman on man. Woman on woman. It does not matter. If the above terms are met I don’t care which genitals show up. The number of straight men that like anal sex is pretty conclusive that anal sex is not an abomination. So. There ya go.
            “In their own lives.” AGAIN. Live your life. Go about your business. Get out of other people’s lives. They aren’t having sex in your bedroom so get over yourself. Do what you see fit in your house and I’ll do what I see fit in mine.
               “Responsibly” Don’t have babies when you aren’t ready for them, use birth control. Don’t spread disease use condoms and dentals dams. Get tested as needed. Keep in mind that if you are a more sensitive soul, random sex could cause confusion and emotional difficulty. Know ahead of time, “Are we starting a relationship or is this a roll in the sheets?” Tell your partners your intent clearly. I’d argue it is just as irresponsible leaving a string of hurts and broken hearts as it is having a mountain of children you can’t care for. Christians are often pushed into rabid child rearing that they can neither pay for or emotionally handle, but they are forced by The Church to see procreative sex the only godly sex. This has left miserable, hungry, and sad families as much as it has spawned loving ones.
            I have no idea why this is so hard and why so many Christians are now screaming that I am an immoral slut doomed to hell. I’m not. I’m normal and healthy. Get over yourselves for once in your life. Free will is a thing and I am living mine safely and carefully out. Yes. I have thought about the children. See paragraph 3.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!



            I was one of the lucky few that survived untouched. I was raised in a very conservative Christian town and family. I was not once molested. No one raped me in the nursery. No creepy deacon or youth pastor cornered me in a foyer. I never felt an unwelcome grope. However, I was sexually abused in the church. No. No one touched me, but sexual abuse did occur. In each paragraph, I will outline exactly how this abuse occurred and how it still affects me. I have put this blog off for exactly two months. The truths found in it were too very hard to process and I still fight false guilt.
            It started as a child before I even knew what sex was. All sex scenes on tv were muted and I was told to close my eyes. During movies with my family, I would be suddenly confronted with my mother’s hand over my eyes. Sex was not to be seen at all. They wanted me to not even know of its existence. I was not allowed to listen to 80’s pop music like every other child in my school could because, “The ‘African’ drum beats, the lyrics, and the dance moves are all inappropriate for children.” This meant, they encouraged sexual feelings. Now, I’m not advocating that children have sex or watch porn. However, all normal, expected, human behaviors should in some safe way be modeled. What my parents did right is enjoy each other. My dad would slap my mother’s bottom and she would blush and giggle and make noise but she enjoyed it. I heard them laughing in their bedroom. I didn’t know what was going on, but my father regularly and passionately kissed my mother so that I saw what loving kisses between adults looked like. I somehow knew that this was not really ok for kids to do, but that when I was a grown up a man would kiss me that way. When I look back at the “sex scenes” I was shielded from, they would have modeled what was appropriate loving behavior during the act itself. Just like I knew that kissing like that was not something children did I am pretty sure that I would have known that this was something for adults to do. It would have been nice to see happy smiling people enjoying the activity that they were doing under the sheets that covered everything as per tv station requirements.
            Before I knew what sex was, that I had an opening for penises to go into, and that it was required for the babies I was told I would have as a married adult, I explored my body. Every child explores their bodies. What made this especially difficult is that my parents saw as sinful the stimulation I was doing rubbing my vulva on blankets and liking it. I did it a lot because I have autism. The world hurt so badly that when I found something that made it feel less painful, I did that action a lot. This is a common response to the world for people that suffer from sensory processing disorder. Entire sections of forums are set up for parents to know how to help their child masturbate a healthy amount, only eat a healthy amount of candy, and help them find as many coping techniques as possible so that one does not become an obsession. The key is, that in all autism communities, masturbation is seen as normal, healthy, and part of the process. Masturbation is a normal healthy part of childhood. This booklet outlines clear, basic, normal, and natural tendencies of children as theydevelop. I was told that all of those milestones of completely normal development were evil. I was going to go to hell for doing those and every time I was caught masturbating for comfort I was yelled at, shamed, and told to ask Jesus forgiveness.
            I remember how I started hearing the word, “sex.” It was whispered to me and generally followed with “is wrong.” I thought it was a dirty word. I choked on the word if I found myself needing to say it out loud. It was on the same list as “damn” and “poopy.” When I was 11, I remember a girl in my 6th grade class telling me that sex was required for bringing babies into the world. I fought with her. NO it wasn’t because sex is wrong and dirty! Saying the words made me feel as if I had done something naughty even talking about this. I was so mad I thought that the child needed to be punished. I left the classroom. (My teacher was utterly oblivious and taught us nothing in his classroom.) I ran to my dad’s office (he worked as an administrator at my school) and said, “You need to talk to this girl! She is telling everyone that sex is not only perfectly OK, but it is REQUIRED to have babies. DADDY go yell at her like you do me. Tell her the truth!” Dad fell silent. “What truth do you think she needs to hear?” “What I’ve been told that sex is dirty and wrong. That people should never have sex.” (Mind you, I had no idea what sex even was. I had no idea that men had penises and that they would put said penises into me to impregnate me. I had no idea that there was a hole in my vulva or that that area was called a vulva.) I saw his face go red and he quietly said, “Sex is not for children, that is true. But it is required for babies. Sex is only for marriage and it is not entirely evil. Sex outside of marriage is sinful.” I felt very lied to. I still had no idea what sex was but in the ensuing months, my friends filled me in. I apologized to the girl and asked her to tell me about sex. I learned. She was truly shocked that a child of 11 had no idea. “You know you are going to start bleeding soon, right?” Well, that bit I did know, but I had no idea how that related to sex. She told me and I went home and cried because no one had told me that bit.
            So, now that I finally knew the birds and bees, children’s church and Sunday School gave way to youth group. It was in youth groups that I learned my value. The only value I had in marriage was my virginity. I learned that beyond doubt that men do not want to marry “sexually impure” girls. I saw video after video tape about the dangers of sex, the harm of sex and was told that girls that do have sex before marriage can be forgiven, but there would always be a lost part of their marriages. It was then I was given a white pedestal to stand on, but I never got that right. I emotionally carried it. The standards that I was asked to meet were not only unhealthy, they were an unholy burden on my heart. I was shrill. I was scared. I only wanted to be pure for Jesus and my future husband because that is the only way that I would be seen as valuable. My entire worth to a marriage partner was tied up in one aspect of my history. Sex. Bible study books, sermons, devotional lessons all told me that my virginity was my sole value and of UTMOST importance. I was asked to attend endless meetings, endless activities, and witness to all the “wicked heathens” at my school. This lead to fervor, which led to humiliation, which my youth leader wrote off as “persecution for Jesus name.” As I look back on that time, I cannot help but see the connection between that level of brainwashing and this passage from the book, 1984, by George Orwell:
            “[Julia] had grasped the inner meaning of the Party’s sexual puritanism. It was not merely that the sex instinct created a world of its own which was outside the Party’s control and which therefore had to be destroyed if possible. What was more important was that sexual privation induced hysteria, which was desirable because it could be transformed into war-fever and leader-worship. The way she put it was: ‘When you make love you’re using up energy; and afterwards you feel happy and don’t give a damn for anything. They can’t bear you to feel like that. They want you to be bursting with energy all the time. All this marching up and down and cheering and waving flags is simply sex gone sour. If you’re happy inside yourself, why should you get excited about Big Brother and the Three-Year Plans and the Two Minutes Hate and all the rest of their bloody rot?’ That was very true, he thought. There was a direct, intimate connection between chastity and political orthodoxy. For how could the fear, the hatred and the lunatic credulity which the Party needed in its members be kept at the right pitch, except by bottling down some powerful instinct and using it as a driving force? The sex impulse was dangerous to the Party, and the Party had turned it to account.”
            I was being manipulated into belief by deprivation of my perfectly normal bodily functions. The burden of my pedestal grew unbearable. I found that I still carried the pedestal in marriage. I could not speak to other women’s husbands who were my friends at any time without their wives knowing, seeing, or being near. I could never EVER have a lunch with ANY man that was not my husband No. Matter. What. If a pastor, a man, needed to reprimand me or speak to me, a third party witness always had to be present. There could be no hint at all of me being even just platonically interested in a man because I liked him. Perish the THOUGHT of it. My only friends were women in the church because when a woman likes talking to men it is unquestionably because she has sexual designs and sinful intent. I remember having a conversation with a fellow brainwashee of the church that went like this:
“Karen, I had a great teaching time with my girls the other day.”
“That is great, Emily! What about?”
“Well, I was in the WalMart parking lot and a man asked me for directions. I was able to help the man and he stood chatting with me for a little bit about where he was going.”
“That’s nice. Fellow humans helping each other out.”
“Well, I was able to talk to my girls and clearly explain that married women, well, women in general, should not stop and talk to random men in parking lots because it might lead to sin.”
“…”
“It isn’t right to speak to people of the opposite sex when you are married.”
“!.....!.....!”
“You need to guard your heart at all times to keep the devil from sneaking in.”
            I left the conversation thinking about all the conversations I had had with random men in stores and parking lots and we somehow had managed not having sex. The pedestal of sexual perfection bore down on my shoulders. Was I being dangerously seduced by lost men asking directions? My ensuing deconversion and tension in my marriage lead to divorce. I had set the pedestal down but there it still stood in the corner telling me that I was broken and damaged for not wanting it. I didn’t want a single solitary thing to do with that level of brokenness ever in my life. I am not just a pussy to be grabbed or an innocent virgin of pristine alabaster. I am a human being with a mind, personality, quick wit, solid values, and I’m an asset to anyone that I associate with—and the state of my vagina has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. After my divorce, I started dating Ross Balmer. We were engaged. I flew to England to finally get to touch him and physically be in his presence. On a cool, English evening in July of 2016 I fornicated with my fiancé and broke that pedestal to tiny, itty bitty pieces. I instantly felt lighthearted, at peace, fear was gone, and I felt whole. I was now a normal human being with natural, normal desires.
            I will write a follow up blog on what my sexual morality now looks like, but first I leave this post as a sign for all the world to see. "Moderate”, Evangelical Christianity is using sex to break children down to become malleable, willing participants in their political, ideological, social, profit-focused pyramid scheme. This is how Evangelical Christianity works in America today and this abusive nonsense must be seen for what it is and stopped.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Brainwash Laundries

               
              Recently, Ross wrote on the #ChurchCrimes facebook page about what cutting children off from real, solid, scientific, and factual knowledge can do. His post was so outstanding and true, I wanted to put it here as a short piece. He was referencing a link in which children who had been homeschooled for Jesus were spouting propagandizing lies and called "cute" or "sweet" for it. Just like I was. Christian "schools" and "homeschooling for Jesus," need to be seen as the crime against children it is. Here is his most amazing post.
               "I think by now nearly everyone has heard of the physical and sexual abuse that has been going on for decades in the Catholic church and other religious institutions, and the vast majority of us find it deplorable. But is it not also deplorable to teach children lies and misinformation, instilling ideological propaganda in the place of real knowledge about the world they live in, and at an age before they have the critical reasoning ability to tell the difference? I think, unquestionably, yes. It not only teaches them falsehoods, it effectively blocks the path to true understanding creating a state of enforced ignorance. Strategies like this, which come straight from the cultists playbook, serve a purpose which has nothing to do with educating children to understand the world they live in, and everything to do with social and psychological control.
               When a cult uses the strategy of indoctrinating its initiates into accepting beliefs which would be considered ludicrous and outrageous by society in general outside the cult, the initiate's mind becomes more tightly bound up with the church and increasingly detached from society at large. The division between in-group and out-group is thus increased, and the initiate becomes more easily controlled and manipulated. The penalty for rejecting such beliefs can extend to a complete loss of family and community, and the regret of having wasted so much time and energy on behalf of a delusion. Contemplating the idea that such beliefs may not be true results in massive cognitive dissonance, and the resulting sense of panic puts enormous pressure on the initiate to restore their sense of normalcy and equilibrium by accepting the belief. Eventually they learn to instinctively avoid such questioning in the first place. Instilling this habit of reflexive, uncritical acceptance of cult ideology opens a pathway for further indoctrination, moving the initiate ever closer to the state where they can be easily and effectively programmed to believe anything. The story below from the Friendly Atheist gives an example of this strategy in action: the teaching of evangelical Christian propaganda masquerading as scientific truth, extending the doctrine of creationism beyond its customary domain of biology into the realm of mathematics. It is nothing less than the early stages of the process of turning children into well-behaved drones.
               Let us speak plainly about this: evangelical Christianity is a cult, what it teaches to children are lies, it does it for the purposes of brainwashing, it does it for social, political and financial gain, and it does it under the cover of a social acceptability that other cults like Scientology can only dream of: a result of the millennia old social dominance of the Christian religion."

Link to the Friendly Atheist blog that inspired his words. He has also been inspired to interest and anger by my life story being raised in Christian Evangelical Fundamentalist schools.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Critical thinking is Crucial

                   I was slow in leaving the church and the faith because I was blinded by faith and discouraged to ask for evidence. This line of brainwashing caused me to just eschew doubt and accept nonsense without question. Things did start to needle me, however, and I just could no longer believe that which had no proof and insulted my soul. I started to learn. I started to let my own mind take the helm and stop squashing my intuition. In the journey, it became apparent that there were necessary steps to take to be free from nonsense. After I left the church there were very many people ready to just make me another member of another stupid religion even if it was just vague spiritual woo woo, I wasn’t having it if it didn’t meet up to snuff of these criteria. The first step I took was to question all I had been taught. The questions needed answers that would finally satisfy my mind so I looked at what I needed to accept for evidence. Then I realized that I did not have time to learn all the science and math necessary to learn my own evidence so I had to learn which of the authorities out there were the ones I could trust. I did not want to be taken in again. It is terribly important to know the rules of logic. I wanted to know when someone was presenting something not based on sound reasoning the logical fallacies were the starting point of Christianity’s undoing in my mind. Because my mind is my own and it will never be fleeced again, I learned to test my thoughts and assumptions on a regular basis. On my one year anniversary of official deconversion, I reassessed.
          The first step in walking away from the cult of Christianity was constant questions. Socrates taught that once one had all the answers, their growth stopped. The only way to keep learning, keep growing was to constantly ask questions. This way, we are constantly improving. The people who started the most important fields of study weren’t satisfied with answers. They were the greatest scientists and philosophers. Firm answers are easy. It I hard to have nagging questions with crazy curiosity. However, answers are stultifying and breed ignorance. We could still be satisfied with the answer that the world is flat and where would we be? This article says it perfectly, “Questions define tasks, express problems and delineate issues. Answers on the other hand, often signal a full stop in thought. Only when an answer generates a further question does thought continue its life as such. This is why it is true that only students who have questions are really thinking and learning. Moreover, the quality of the questions students ask determines the quality of the thinking they are doing. It is possible to give students an examination on any subject by just asking them to list all of the questions that they have about a subject, including all questions generated by their first list of questions. That we do not test students by asking them to list questions and explain their significance is again evidence of the privileged status we give to answers isolated from questions. That is, we ask questions only to get thought-stopping answers, not to generate further questions.” Socrates is right we need to keep asking and keep growing.
          Adopting a new world view was not simple and it took me forever to figure out what I needed to change my view on my deep faith. The missing piece after I asked all of those questions was evidence. I needed more than the tired refrain, “Your faith is all you need to believe. It is faith that saves.” No. I needed records of Jesus, dates to match up, stories to match up, a census from the year that would have been anywhere near the supposed time Jesus was born, proof that people had to go their birth homes to register (there is none), and an originality about the story. The story has no proof and is not original. Much of it was copied from mythologies of other people from that time. The Mithra tradition one of them. There is not one shred of evidence that any of the Jesus story happened or any that he was an extraordinary man. Because there was no empirical evidence for a real Jesus, I saw the Bible as no more than creative fiction based on an already existing mythology of the time and started to look for what real evidence is. I learned about observable, reliable, repeatable. It was overwhelming to think about all that I needed to learn. I had questions. I needed more thought provoking answers and questions! I did not have any time to learn about all the underlying knowledge to be able to perform experiments at that level. Trustworthy teachers were what I needed.
          Demagogues and smooth talkers were my past. Reliable leaders needed to be my future. Looking into what “peer review” was I learned that the respected names of science—Einstein, Krauss, Hawking, etc..—were respected because they had been proven correct over and over again by their intellectual peers. These were the question askers, thinkers, seekers, and scientists I was looking for. I purchased the book, The Universe in a Nutshell, by Hawking, and was blown away by how simple it was to read and understand. Mr. Hawking is really, very funny, too. I could trust his conclusions over say, Ken Ham’s because Mr. Hawking had been so completely tested and his ideas keep coming up accurate. Ken Ham however has been reviewed by several superiors and peers and keeps coming up lacking. Ken just does not have any proof for any of the declarations he makes. The difference is the bias they place on the evidence. Ken completely denies that which contradicts his faith in Genesis. With such a heavy bias, Ken could not be trusted. A true scientist of the caliber that deserves my trust, is one that will dismiss all he thought before if a better, proven, repeatable truth is found. If it meets the evidence above, a true scientist will adopt it over the previous assumptions and thinking. A faithful believer will reject prove-able truth if it contradicts with his faith, making him unreliable, untrustworthy, and not much better than a third-rate charlatan. If we all still clung to religious assumptions, we would all think that the Earth is the center of our galaxy and the sun rotates around it.
          Next up, I learned in college that if a logical fallacy was present in an argument, it weakened the premise and pointed to the fact that the entire premise is flawed. All critical thinkers have lived this moment on the internet. Our critically thinking friend has made a supported, reviewed, thoughtful post to her facebook page. She is then met with someone yelling at her that she is wrong. She then politely asks her accuser for reasons that she is wrong because critical thinkers are always ready to admit that they might be. Her accuser comes at her with, “You’re a doody head and we all know that doody heads don’t think good thoughts,” or “Well, you failed to include religious reasoning from Xenu the great god of us all! I can’t accept any idea that does not bow to Xenu!” or “Well, that is just ludicrous. I can’t believe you would think that because the idea is ridiculous to me.” These three are the three most common fallacies I see every day. The first is Ad hominem. Instead of speaking to my argument or idea, this person wants to discredit me personally to attempt to render what I say as invalid. When the truth is I could be a raving lunatic, but if my assertion is sound, it is sound. For example, my assertion could be, “My candidate is experienced at diplomacy. The other candidates are not and this scares me.” My support is that over the course of history, diplomacy skills have saved nations from wars, protected peace, and improved the lives of women. Without the experience needed to attend stressful meetings with egomaniacal dictators, I fear the other candidates would not be able to avoid war. I may very well be a “doody head,” but it does not diminish my argument’s veracity. The second fallacy is made from the flawed, “moral high ground” fallacy. It simply states, “I believe in Xenu, you don’t. Therefore, I am better than you.” Which is again, not addressing my original assertion. The last is simply put, “Your idea offends me, so therefore it can’t be true.” It is the fallacy of incredulity. This person just gave up thinking years ago and only goes with what “feels right.” It does not matter how an idea makes you feel. What matters is whether the idea is supported by evidence, true, and solidly made. A really great list of fallacies is over on this Wikipedia page.
          Last and most importantly, do not grow comfortable in your own thoughts, challenge them often. Get thinking friends together just to discuss ideas. Be like Socrates, ask questions about your own ideas and beliefs. Make sure often they are supported by sound thinking, if not, ask why. When we stop thinking and rest on faith alone, we mentally die