Showing posts with label denial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label denial. Show all posts

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Religious Trauma Syndrome.


Religious Trauma Syndrome: A New Crisis of Faith
Literature Review
            The way that cults and fundamentalist religions interact with politics, abuse children, marginalize minority groups, attract narcissistic leaders, and spawn disorganized attachments in their members requires intervention from the government. It is a difficult topic in our nation because we do want to have all of our citizens practicing religion in the way that they see fit. In the case of Catholic church sex abuse, the answer is simple, imprison the guilty priests after a trial has proven their guilt. What isn’t clear is when parents spank their kids, brainwash them using fear of hell and threats of getting shunned, or churches demanding that their members be allowed to discriminate against homosexuals because gays are bad, we passively give our approval. Because we tacitly deal with these issues, these fundamentalists are getting into positions of political power and protecting their own beliefs instead of representing all Americans. This was brought into sharp relief when Mike Pence was the governor of Indiana and reframed and ratified the Religious Freedom Restoration Act in a way that made it ok to discriminate against the LGBTQIA+ community. (Godde, 2016) Mike Pence is now our vice president. Ever since he was elected, the LGBTQIA+ community has been watching on alert.
            Mike Pence is what we call a narcissistic leader. There isn’t a necessarily a diagnosis of narcissism there, but what it means to be a narcissistic leader is that the leader functions in much the same way a narcissist does. In one article, the author focuses on one type of leader, one that achieves “symbolic status.” This is a psychological phenomenon where followers come to see the leaders as parent-like. This tendency becomes even more evident in charismatic leaders. (Sankowsky, 1995) Places where leaders achieve symbolic status include work situations and churches. Abuse of power can pervasively and profoundly negatively impact the followers’ psychological wellbeing. (Sankowsky, 1995) Stein goes on to say that the damage takes the form of disorganized attachment. (2017) The boss or pastor hands out directives, expects them to be obeyed without question, hands out rewards and punishments, and handles excommunications or firings, respectively. These are the very conditions that create this parent attachment. In some cases, this power goes awry, and the leaders start flat out abusing and making excuses. (Sankowsky, 1995) A normal leader sets reasonable expectations and tasks and goes over outcomes in a way that best correlates with the quality of the outcomes. Everything is handled in a fair way and the leader and follower or employee walk away happy with how things turned out. The narcissistic leader sets unrealistic goals, quickly praises their team for being miracle workers and just amazing; and then punishes harshly when they could not make the unattainable a reality. (Sankowsky, 1995) The damage this causes leads to confusion, depression, anxiety, and if carried on long enough unchecked, PTSD. These types of leaders keep followers questioning and on their toes. Praise is doled out just enough to keep them coming back again and again for more abuse. When we think of this in terms of adults, it is pretty creepy. When we see that this is what parents are doing with their children in the name of their gods, it gets horrifying. Let’s take a closer look at disorganized attachment.
            The best way to accomplish this is to isolate the followers as best as possible in a unique way. In cults and in churches around America, totalitarian denominations are popping up. The goal of a totalitarian religion or cult is to isolate the follower, make the leaders seem like the keepers of good knowledge and truly unique or blessed especially by the divine, consume the followers lives and calendars, and forbid close friendships with those who do not believe the same ways. (Stein, 2017) This is achieved by making the follower feel specially chosen and uniquely included in a really loving family. Membership contracts require followers to agree to act in a certain way and to understand they are joining a community of like-minded people with keys to secret and special information. Not only that, this community is truly loving. They take meals to each other during times of crisis, pray for each other, and do most all of the socializing they do with each other. In fact, it seems the cult or church completely takes over the lives of the individuals they have. Members are afraid to leave because they will not be able to make friends as close as these on the “outside” or in the “secular” world. Stein calls this a totalitarian system. All aspects of life and personal philosophy are now wrapped up in the church. (2017) Once that fear of the outside has set in, members are taken on a yo-yo ride of being in the inner circle of favorites to being in the lower lever peons. All members want to be in the inner circle. Getting closer to the leader is the goal of all members. (Stein, 2017) Being useful to the pastor is a special place. This inner hierarchy is used like a weapon. One day you are in, the next you are out. The desperate need for validation, the continued rejection, and emotional abuse cause the follower great times of pain and confusion. In this state, they press in harder to the thing causing them the most pain, the religion itself. Leaders define the rules of approved holiness. Rules in churches where women wore only dresses, where families just had mountains of kids, where poverty was the key to holiness, keep believers uniform and together. Each cult or church has its own secret in road to holiness. The ones that can follow the rules the best are the most holy. If the people putting up with this were all adults, we would not have to get involved. But parents internalize this sort of odd love and pass it right on to their kids. (Cooper, 2012)
            The absolute worst of this is the sexual molestation abuse of Catholic children at the hands of priests. The literature on this is heart breaking. The swath of devastation left by the church will take decades to clean up. One of the most devastating articles brings up the fact that fornication is considered a sin in the Catholic church. Victims take on enormous amounts of shame. First, they were seen as special by priests. They were chosen for retreats and to serve as alter boys. They were groomed for a reason. In the grooming process, the priest assess shame levels and understanding of sin. (McGraw, 2019) During and after the rapes take place, the victims are placed in a horrible level of despair and shame. In their eyes they have sinned, but the one that can absolve them did it to them. Many of them don’t speak fearing the repercussions and blame they will face for tainting the priest this way. (McGraw, 2019) This article goes on to say that PTSD is a big worry for these victims. Added to all of the crushing symptoms of PTSD, shame, guilt, fear of hell and excommunication loom large. Cognitive dissonance and disbelief cause lasting damage and completely obliterate childhoods. Later the victimization continues as parents and community friends just refuse to believe the victims. (McGraw, 2019) After all, how could our beloved minister and friend do this to us? These victims are at danger for drug abuse and fear of life long isolation.         (Cutajara, Mullena, Ogloffa, Thomasa Wellsh, & Spataroc. 2010) As stated in the abstract the solution is a bit more straight forward for this grouping because the American government can arrest perpetrators that break the law and we need to. They need to serve prison sentences for their crimes.
            Surprisingly, similar outcomes await those victimized by brainwashing, indoctrination, and emotional abuse. Chase Cooper in his work “Confronting Religiously Motivated Psychological Maltreatment or Children; A Framework for Policy Reform,” tells a tale of a toddler who refused to obey. After being told twice to do what was told of him, the toddler, not quite two, was taken in a back bedroom, beaten, and returned expectantly to obey. The toddler did not. He was taken out of the room and spank beaten again. He was brought back and told to obey again. A third repetition happened while all the adults in the room prayed for the toddler’s deliverance to obedience. He was returned and this time obeyed smiling. The religion members in the room thanked Jesus. The toddler was then comforted by the abuser and praised. They explained to an observing Cooper that this is how they “train up a child.” They said that incidents like this were daily and unavoidable because of the sinfulness of the human heart. (2012) In churches across America, very young children are being threatened with hell for sins as small as taking one of the church pens home with them. All children in conservative churches watch the truly wicked get cast out. The psychological fear of being kicked into the street keeps youth closeted. They have watched their gay friends be disowned and kicked out in large numbers. (Roe, 2017) If they aren’t afraid of hell, they are afraid of homelessness. The abject fear of knowing that there was something that could be done that would forever make your family turn their backs is deeply scarring. Is it abuse? Kenneth Adams writes from his observations that the patriarchal system set up in these must be obeyed churches, “fosters misopedia, the hatred of children, as wells as misogyny. Males and male interests are prioritized, and others are a means to an end. Children represent the antithesis of patriarchal manhood—subordination, lack of control, dependence on females, and weakness. In the Bible, children’s interests are never the primary concern.” (2019) Children being raised in this setting are shattered. They are broken down to always obey, always be religious and always, more than anything, “don’t be yourself especially if that is gay.” This clearly leads to lifelong confusion and mental anguish. Which leads to drug use and disorders with a lot of the alphabet in them. (Simonic, Mendelj, & Novask. 2013) It also leads to political manipulation and marginalization of minorities.
            When you look at the doctrines that these people are forcibly putting into their children’s minds, you see that a lesson in fear and hatred. They are telling their children that abortion at any stage for any reason is murder. Psalms 139:13-14 In their world, if they accept the LGBTQIA+ community as legitimate the entire world will be destroyed, Genesis 19, Romans 1:26-27. These groups seek to protect their own and push out those that are different. At its very core, fundamentalism excludes. The GOP in our nation is looking to push out immigrants, remove rights from women, and re-marginalize the LGBTQIA+ by taking away marriage rights, (Groppe, 2016) This only pushes the trauma of these beliefs out onto other communities of believers who believe differently, non-Christian believers, atheists, and all of those sub-headings that are LGBTQIA_ or immigrants. (Sowe, Taylor, & Brown. 2017) Children who internalize these messages grow up either wholesale buying into them or living through PTSD and needing very careful and affirming therapy. (Simonic, & et. al. 2013) Those that grow up buying in completely become the voters and parents. We are seeing the results of these organized voters and the stronghold of their beliefs and they try to take away freedoms from those they deem ungodly. Other nations are starting to call us the “Christian Talliban.”
            In conclusion, we are faced with hard choices about the well being of not only our children but our nation. If these religious beliefs only were held by those 18 or older, the harm they inflict would be chosen by the one believing it. Not only are these beliefs forced on children before they are not able to fully understand the implications of what they are learning, the rest of us must cope with the toll they are taking on our minorities and vulnerable groups. What can we do to protect children? There has been loud noise about taxation of churches that refuse to respect separation of church and state. A growing number of the populace are completely fed up with having to clean up after their messes. LGBTQIA+ youth are more than twice as likely to face homelessness than their straight peers and charities have been stepping up for years to care for the homeless teens. (Voices of Youth Count, 2019) States have anti-maltreatment clauses, strangely enough, they exempt religious groups. (Cooper, 2012) We need to do away with religious exemptions for maltreatment. There is no reason for it. Maltreatment for religious reasons is maltreatment and should be fully considered abuse. In many states, it is legal to spank beat children because of the Bible verse, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Spanking should be made illegal. (Miller, 2000) Many adults were spanked as children and pass the damage on, and spank their children from a Christian perspective. These protections allow bullies and abusers to use religion as a shield for their abuse and lazy parenting. (Cooper, 2012) What becomes really a grey area, is the fear instilled in the children as they lie awake in the night terrified of hell and filled with questions about “what if I did something that would make my parents stop loving me.” Legally in America there is nothing we can do without infringing on the religious beliefs of the parents. Right now, the best course of action is just shining the light on all the harm fundamentalist religion causes to the individual and in the whole society.





References
Adams, K.A. (2019) Traumatic Fundamemtalist Childhood and Trump. Journal of             Psychohistory. (3)
Cooper, C. (2012). Confronting Religiously Motivated Psychological Maltreatment of Children:         A Framework for Policy Reform. Virginia Journal of Social Policy & the Law, 20(1), 1–       11

Groppe, M. (2016). “Mike Pence in His Own Words.” The Indy Star. Online edition.
Miller, A. (2000). Against Spanking. Tikkun, 15(2), 17
Roe, S. (2017). “Family Support Would Have Been Like Amazing”: LGBTQ Youth Experiences    With Parental and Family Support. The Family Journal, 25(1), 55–62. 
Sankowsky, D. (1995). The Charismatic Leader as Narcissist: Understanding the Abuse of         Power. Organizational Dynamics, 23(4), 57–71. 
Simonic, B. Mandelj, T. and Novsak, R. (2013) Religious-Related Abuse in the Family. Journal            of Family Violence 28:339-349
Sowe, B. J., Taylor, A. J., & Brown, J. (2017). Religious anti-gay prejudice as a predictor of     mental health, abuse, and substance use. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 87(6),          690–703.
Stein, A. (2017). Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachments in Cults and Totalitarian     Systems.

Waller, G., Quinton, S. & Watson D. (1995) “Dissociation and the Processing of Threat-Related            Information.” Dissociation volume 8.2.

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Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Pastor Blog 2.

            I love the dictionary. In my long years attending Bible Study Fellowship, I was taught that the dictionary could help us start with a clear understanding of what words mean so that we can speak about them cogently. It is a habit that I have come to love as an atheist. My skeptical mind wants you to notice what is NOT referenced in that definition. There is not one mention of sexual behavior or any appeal to a deity or ancient tome. In fact, there is only a communal understanding of what right and wrong and agreed upon. The implication is that each person knows and can see what is right and wrong and that the society at large in the form of social constructs and laws have agreed together what is morality. My personal definition, and one that agreed upon by very many, is that moral behavior is that which seeks the improvement of my life along with the improvement of the lives of those around me. The improvement of my life will not impair the improvement of the lives of those around me. My pastor friend has chosen the second of my questions to answer. He has written a blog about it here. 

            In this question, I wanted to know why Christians are really obsessed with behaviors that DO NOT impact society at large, least of all them INSTEAD of focusing PRIMARILY on the sheer number of people starving in our society, let alone ENTIRE GLOBE, every single day. Social ills in the world that actually are causing harm are copiously absent from the majority of the average believer’s timeline. (I have some really lovely notable exceptions to that rule and I love you people.) The average Christian these days is posting about the horror that is women using the women’s room in Target. Here is his response to that. I had to sit and stare in wonder at the levels of ignorance and pride in this answer. I’ll let you see what I saw,

            Why do Christians care about which bathroom a transgender person uses?
I can think of a few answers to this one:
  1. Christians and other religious people tend to be more concerned with privacy and modesty than the general population. This comes from our emphasis on sexual purity. Granted, Christians have done a terrible job of consistently upholding the lessons of the faith regarding sexual purity. Our hypocrisy on this topic is great.
  2. Christians highly value submitting to the will of God. Many Christians believe that a person who embraces a gender other than their biological sex has chosen a path of rebellion against the created order. The conservative Christian opposition to the LGBTQ worldview is partially based on a commitment to biblical sexual ethics, but it is also based upon a commitment to the “natural order” of creation.
  3. Christians in America are frightened by a world that is growing increasingly secular particularly because the past 400+ years of life in North America has been very favorable to the Christian worldview, and the prospect of losing the privileged status of Christianity is threatening. There is a religious reason for this fear, and I will address it below as well.
  4. Most of all, Christians believe that the morality taught in the Bible is not just commanded by God but beneficial for humans. Therefore, Christians draw the conclusion that when a society displays biblical morality, everyone wins overall. However, this attitude has caused two related problems. First, Christians often feel as if we must act as the moral police in our world. Secondly, Christians have failed to treat all moral issues equally, and have put undue emphasis on certain moral issues ignoring others.
As a result of these four things, Christians feel that normalizing transgenderism violates God’s created order, blurs the lines of modesty and privacy, threatens religious freedom, and will cause societal harm that must be spoken against.

            So far, I have some lovely reasons for why Christians should not engage in these behaviors, but has offered no reason why a non-Christian should act like Christians. He has said that Christians fear consequences and that there is societal harm. He fails miserably at saying what those consequences are and what He makes vague allusion to the “created” or what he means is “natural” order. He does not say what societal harm or privacy violations there are when women use the women’s bathroom. But boy there are some wide open barn doors in even this reasoning. The Christian might be able to swallow this pile of fecal matter from the great almighty, but I have lost the capacity. I will start with the natural order of this world. I love how Christians talk about the animal kingdom and the peg and hole designs of our bodies as proof that their god has shown us how to behave and what is good. When this argument appears in my life, it is like Saturnalia has come early and that lovely pagan god dressed in red, has gifted me with a big yummy present under my penis praising Saturnalia tree. Here is a link to 12 animal species that change sex in the absence of a certain sex. It just happens to them. In the course of their lives they are born either male or female and because life happened to them, they found themselves the opposite of where they started. According to nature, this is absolutely normal and not anything to be startled about. Or how about these 1,500, yes ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDREND, species that practice same sex acts to resolve disputes and because they seem to like each other. The article states that pairs of male dolphins can staytogether for years. Of course what you do not see very often in the animal kingdom is straight, life-long monogamy. This article states that only 3-5% of all animals practice life-long monogamy. It seems that if we look to the natural order, sex is something that is dependent on each individual and not a group dynamic. Apparently, giraffes love to be gay and exhibit more homosexual behaviors than hetero ones. So, that whole, “natural” or (gags on this term) “created” order of things is pretty much empty hollering. In fact males do have holes for other males to interact with and ALSO a known fact that there are some Christian women that LOVE anal penetration, but seeing as their anuses  are more… ahem…. “holy” ….. (snort) the godly spouse can penetrate that without fear he likes anuses…. I mean, men.
            But when have Christians been concerned with reality? He goes on. There is a lot of Bible verse quoting and apologizing for not being loving and the fact that Christians break these rules a lot but he ends here (Do remember I posted a link to the entire article.) Skipping a bit, I pick up here with his conclusion:

            So to conclude this point about modesty, privacy and sexual purity, Christians give these issues a great deal of attention because sexual immorality is a grievous sin for those who would follow Christ, and living in a modest society will be a spiritual benefit to everyone in it. However, Christians are at fault for giving these issues too much airtime while ignoring other sins like greed and slander and for judging the unbelieving world by a standard that was only supposed to apply to other believers.
This all helps to explain why Christians are opposed to transgenderism, but it doesn’t give an excuse for how they have opposed it.
The concern for submitting to the will of God is another key motivator for Christians opposing transgenderism and the sexual ethics of the LGBTQ worldview. Granted, there are some church traditions that embrace the entire LGBTQ worldview, but conservative Christians still reject it on the grounds that (1) the Bible opposes it and (2) natural law opposes it. Nevertheless, both of these grounds are actually the same at heart: the desire to submit to the will of the Creator God. The only reason to obey the Bible is to submit to God’s will, and the only reason to value natural law is to honor the Creator.
Christians therefore oppose the LGBTQ worldview because it is incompatible with submission to our Creator.

            Apparently our “Creator” wants us to be gay and polyamorous, but that is me actually looking at real nature. Not the nature that came off of the fairy land Noah’s ark boat in Kentucky. I need proof that living in a modest society is a spiritual benefit. The proof that I see is that the strict adherence to Judeo-Christian sexual standards is completely really bad for people. More on this later.

            He then talks about how “bad” “secularist” governments are. See, he is very confused. I will cut and paste:
            The fear of a secularized society is another motivation for Christians to oppose the current culture shift. Christians who are committed to the sexual ethics of the Bible are growing more and more aware that living in a secular society will demand they compromise their beliefs in public life or face ostracism when they hold their convictions in public life. So far, North American Christianity has experienced a level of religious freedom unmatched in the history of the world. There has been no moral command in the Bible opposed by American society until recently. Now, though, the society is embracing a sexual ethic that is directly opposed to the teaching of the Bible, and Christians are scared of the consequences.
As I said before, there are real reasons for this fear. One reason for this fear is that religious persecution has been around for nearly forever, but historically, it has been the worst in those societies that fully embraced secularism. Whether you are talking about Soviet Russia, North Korea, or China in our modern day or Rome of old (Yes, despite the Roman Pantheon, Rome was a very secularized society), Christians have always faced intense persecution in secularized societies. Another reason for this fear is that it will make difficult what Christians consider their “Great Commission” the spreading of the good news of Jesus to others. Yes, in a fully secularized society, Christians are afraid that it will be more difficult to share their faith.

            Oh this is just adorable. He is correct in that these governments are “secular,” but what he also fails to notice or see is that they are mainly “Authoritarian.” Authoritarian dictatorship was done by Christians first and best during the middle ages. Catholic Queen Isabela was the best example Authoritarian leadership. If you did not like or agree with her Catholic only rules, you could go enjoy the comfort of her Spanish Inquisition. The issue with those evil governments was not that they were secularist, (Dear Jeff, America is a secularist government) but rather that they were Authoritarian and did not allow for other points of view. Secular atheist governments like the ones found in Scandinavia are reporting high numbers of health and happiness and very low numbers in crime and despair. This quote underscores that separation of church and state is not new, but rather it was the cornerstone of our government. Here is a litany of quotes about how secular America is supposed to be:
“The Government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion.” ~1797 Treaty of Tripoli signed by Founding Father John Adams”
“I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibit the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state.” ~Founding Father Thomas Jefferson, letter to the Baptists of Danbury, Connecticut, 1802”
“In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own. It is error alone that needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself.” ~Founding Father Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to Horatio Spofford, 1814
“Every new and successful example of a perfect separation between ecclesiastical and civil matters is of importance.” ~Founding Father James Madison, letter, 1822
“When a religion is good, I conceive it will support itself; and when it does not support itself, and God does not take care to support it so that its professors are obligated to call for help of the civil power, it’s a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one.” ~Founding Father Benjamin Franklin, letter to Richard Price, October 9, 1780

            I don't want an "atheist government". I'm not even sure what that would look like. I want a *secular* government. I want my government to keep the hospitals running, the roads in good condition, make sure the garbage is collected, govern economic policy, implement law and order, and when they set laws and pursue social policy I want them to do it based on solid evidence, not on a faith I do not share or reference to scriptures which, when not viewed through the lens of that faith seem archaic and scarcely relevant. I want a government that doesn't see it as their business to tell people what they can and cannot believe. That is not, nor should be, what government is for.
            This is, as far as I know, what pretty much every atheist I have ever met wants out of their government too. When Christians cherry pick Stalin or Pol Pot as their examples of "atheist" government, I take that as a slight to my character. It would be far easier to take Christian critiques of atheism seriously is they addressed atheists as they actually are instead of demonizing and othering them and turning them into childish bogeymen.
            If they want to know what kind of government atheists want, even if it's only for the purpose of criticizing it, perhaps they should try researching atheists' writings on the matter (of which there are plenty) and engaging with them and asking pertinent questions instead of uncritically accepting the frankly insulting propaganda preached to them from the pulpit.
            In fact, in all cases, a secular government is absolutely the best option. The fear that Christians have in finding out other people’s values are as important to them as Christians values are to Christians is they losing the special privileges they had heretofore enjoyed. Christians are not losing any rights at all. Authoritarian systems are completely broken and need to stop. I can’t help but to think that Christian families and on too many levels, conservative churches are run just like little authoritarian governments. Authoritarian leaders are damaging leaders. The fact that he thinks that a secular government lead by people who did not inject their religion into everything would be an evil government is a personal insult not only to me as an atheist, it is an insult to the high American ideal of a completely free civil government that meets the needs of the people so that they could be free to worship or not worship as they chose. Dear Christians, women using the women’s restroom is not an issue that takes away any of your access to any restroom you choose, metaphorically and literally.
            I would now like to speak out the unending damage done by Christians and churches, divorce and marriage, and the mind raping “Purity culture.” But first, a word from our pastor friend,
            Okay, you caught us. North American Christians are selfish. We are hypocrites, and we haven’t solved the biggest problems in the world, nor have we spoken out as loudly about global poverty as we have about homeland sexual ethics. But do not conclude that Christians don’t care about the big problems in the world. In fact, a great argument can be made that Christians are almost always the first to care about the big problems in our world. 
            Now, I do not want to down play the list of nice things Christians have done through the ages and are doing today. I just wonder where all that charitable taxable money is going. Right now, this article, is saying that $30 billion a year is needed to end world hunger. This link says that in 2014 $114 billion was donated to churches. So, it is true that Christians are leading the charge on donating money, but where in the useless name of their ridiculous god is it going? We are talking about less than 30% of their annual budget eradicating WORLD HUNGER. I see that Clear River built a new church they are in debt to the bank to finish, Faith Church is planning yet another church building improvement, and what do these pastors actually make a year anyways? But don’t worry, while this incorporeal god needs a fancy pants house whose doors are locked to the down trodden, people are starving in the streets. It is all good. Thank you Christians for all that tithing you do! I can see the difference every time I drive past your ridiculous edifices.
            But you are correct. Atheists do need to donate more money. These famous people can’t carry us all, but they are the most famous philanthropists of our times. They are also atheists. Also in our very heavily “everyone claims Christian on their stupid census paper,” country, finding people who claim Christianity and donate isn’t hard. The question is where is the money going?
            Back to the harm done by this OVERFOCUSING on sexual morality versus morality. A word from Jeff:
            Conclusion
Therefore, the best way to answer the question is this:
  1. Christians have legitimate biblical and moral reasons for opposing the societal acceptance of the LGBTQ worldview. (That word legitimate. I do not think it means what YOU think it means.)
  2. Christians have frequently done so in an improper fashion, offering more judgment than love and overemphasizing sexual morals. (I am going to address the ridiculous damage that has done next.)
  3. Nevertheless, Christians have not allowed that issue to distract them from the humanitarian causes that have been at the core of Christianity for centuries. (Numbers do not lie. Where is the money going Jeff? They give a LOT OF MONEY and you listed charities. But you and I both know that the money is going to the care and keeping of church houses and… well… you.)
  4. Still, they tend to get the most vocal over societal moral issues which leads people in the non-Christian world into thinking that we care more about people’s morality than about their dignity. (It is the shrill screaming and the RFRA discrimination laws that keep getting passed. Also our illustrious Christian governor took away money from preschools and women’s health. Far be it from me to get confused.)
Christians have at times failed to speak about what is most important, but we have, with a few exceptions, led the way in almost every area of humanitarian concern.
            I left Christianity. My mother told me that she and I had nothing of importance in common anymore and because I had slept with my now fiancé Ross Balmer and am also an atheist, I “have no morals to speak of.” She yelled that last bit to my face in the door of my ex’s house where she lives. She yelled that to me in front of and in the hearing of my children. “Mommy what does Nanny mean by that?” Oh nothing kids, it is grown up stuff. I have morals, Nanny is struggling right now. Abuse and PTSD. I spend a lot of time in the groups that cater to ex-churched people. Some of these people are still trying to cling to Jesus and some are walking away. I have left mythologies completely behind.
            Christians are so completely out of touch with what morality is and isn’t they go around like pious children asking questions like these “Is a husband selfish for having sex with his wife when she is not in the mood?” and getting the answer that “….a Christian wife should never give her husband a flat no, BUT she can humbly and gently ask for a delay. There may be legitimate physical or mental issues that might prompt your wife to ask you for a delay.  But this must be done humbly and respectfully, and always with the attitude in mind that her body does belong to her husband.” All of this is taught from pulpits and makes women completely powerless in their lives. A Christian woman’s no does not mean no. Which leads to this mess: 
“’Rape culture,’ as young feminists now call this, isn’t limited to India. It lives anywhere that has a “traditional” vision of women’s sexuality. A culture in which women are expected to remain virgins until marriage is a rape culture. In that vision, women’s bodies are for use primarily for procreation or male pleasure. They must be kept pure. While cultural conservatives would disagree, this attitude gives men license to patrol—in some cases with violence—women's hopes for controlling their lives and bodies. In October, responding to Richard Mourdock's incredible comment about rape, I mentioned an absolutely essential piece by The Nation's Jessica Valenti in a way I want to reprise here, if you'll excuse the self-quotation:  
            As Tennessee Senator Douglas Henry said in 2008, “Rape, ladies and gentlemen, is not today what rape was. Rape, when I was learning these things, was the violation of a chaste woman, against her will, by some party not her spouse.” In other words, only virgins can be raped—sweetly white-gloved, white-skinned virgins. Any woman who ever wanted sex—yes, that includes married women who unconditionally give permission when they put on that ring—deserves what she gets." 
            This is the ugliest side of the Christian Authoritarian movement. If we follow that Christians’ “legitimate” concerns for a society being run opposite to what they see as important in terms of stopping LGBTQ and focusing on Christian marriages looks a lot like an agenda that is known to be psychologically scarring and permanently damaging. Religion prohibits things that people are going to do anyways like eat certain foods and have sex, then when they break these prohibitions, they need to go back to the religion for forgiveness. when we step outside of religion and embrace normal, healthy, clearly natural, human sexuality we are confident and no longer in need of going back and groveling to the religion for forgiveness. Purity culture keeps people in shackles of fake sins and thus keeps the religion alive while killing the members in psychological torment and self-doubt. This obsession with who is sinning and who isn't inculcates a cycle of obsession through false piety (IF I follow this rule, I am pious), the guilty, thrilling pleasure of breaking this rule (I think I can get away with keeping this secret); and finally the release of false guilt by admitting the fake sin to the church (I can be free from my addiction.) When you remove the prohibitions on normal, healthy, sexual behaviors, you remove this weird addictive pattern. We see this is mostly Christian states where churches are the loudest groups and marriages all have god in them. This article talks about the church’s embarrassing porn issues. That link is from Christianity Today, not "Atheists are us." Seems those Christian marriages are not as happy as they report on surveys. You see, Christians are taught to lie because if they do not lie, they have to go through reprogramming in the form of counseling with the pastor. Lying about the reality of the situation lead to this child keeping her sexual abuse a secret because she felt guilt and shame. When she finally did step forward with what was happening, she was scorned as a temptress and it was further rubbed in that her stepfather was blameless in these moments. Now, at this point, you are saying how rare and awful this is, how unheard of in our church circles. I tell you that isn’t at all true. In 1998, when I was 21 and about to marry my fiancé, Don Whipple of Kossuth Street Baptist church in Lafayette, Indiana told me in his office, “Now Karen, there is no such thing as rape in marriage.” I have told that story many many many times, everyone plays it off or ignores it. That man gave that advice out for decades and did not stop. In 2016, when a friend I’d had for years, wanted to tell me about her divorce in 2014 and how Don Whipple had counselled her and her ex in his office, he looked at her and said, “Now ‘Ana’ (name changed), you know there is no such thing as rape in marriage.” How many women do you think suffered in silent hell repeating his words over and over in their minds? How many men got a free pass to just ill use their wives and rape them whenever the mood hit? This is not in some place we don’t know with people we can’t ask, what crimes does Don Whipple have on his hands, personally? Rape in marriage is not some fringe outer Christian fundamentalist view, it is the NORM. I turn to you Jeff Mikels and say, “As a secular humanist with the best interests of actual people on my heart, what are the Christian’s legitimate concerns for homosexuals to openly marry? My attention is now taken up with all manner of legitimate concerns for Christian women in Christian marriages.”
            My sexual morality focuses on consent. Please refer to my definition of general morality. My life improving should not impede or damage the improvement of other people. So, I will never rape another living soul whether I am married to him or her. I will always seek consent and what happens between consenting adults who are happy and enjoying themselves has absolutely no consequences on my life at all. I do not understand what you mean by, “Christians fear the consequences of a society that accepts the LGBTQ community.” I fear the consequences of having women I work with broken down by nightly raping from their godly husbands. My fears are validated as it seems that depression and mental illness seems to be on the rise in the Christian culture. This article sites a study that was conducted thusly: “Entitled ‘Spiritual and religious beliefs as risk factors for the onset of major depression: an international cohort study’, the relationship with religious and spiritual belief was investigated in depth by researchers led by Professor Michael King from University College London. Over 8,000 people visiting general practices across seven countries were followed up at six and 12 months. The general practices were in the UK, Spain, Slovenia, Estonia, the Netherlands, Portugal and Chile. These general practices covered urban and rural populations with considerable socio-economic variation.” And that found this: “People who held a religious or spiritual understanding of life had a higher incidence of depression than those with a secular life view. However, this finding varied by country; in particular, people in the UK who had a spiritual understanding of life were the most vulnerable to the onset of major depression.” 
               So, after digging through all of these articles and statistics, Jeff, my concerns are more founded and real than yours. There again, you never really said what your concerns were about happily married people living in your neighborhood and walking their dogs, did you?